She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
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HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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