I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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