don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
third nipple confirmed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
