I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
