YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
