I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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