# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
