It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
