Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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