Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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