She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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