Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
