we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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