Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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