when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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