I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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