she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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