I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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