dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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