There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
