Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize