Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
