I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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