I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
