Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize