I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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