I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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