watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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