I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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