I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize