Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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