So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There's even glitter on my cock...
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