What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
