Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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