I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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