i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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