It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
