If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
