Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
