i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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