im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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