ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
