Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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