Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
