I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
