I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
