Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Randomize
