have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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