I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
