she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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