I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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