your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
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ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
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It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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