Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
