Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
