I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
