She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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