Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
