He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
