I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
