The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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