I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think I just sharted jello shots
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