just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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