you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
did i just pee glitter
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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