My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
