You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
