I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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