i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
