My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
