So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
there is puke in my bra ... again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
